Some updates...

Found solution for printer problems; have come to the realization that printers suck, but are a necessary evil in the world; wish I had a real printer, but can't see the boss agreeing with me;

Found solution for ex problem; scream and pull hair out; *smile*

Actually that problem was less of a problem than anticipated. She simply wanted to know how I was and wrote me back an email to let me know how life is with her. I'll write her back with a quick update on my life, with no details, sometime soon. That horrid feeling of dread has become synonymous with her in the past few years... as horrid as it may sound, I lack any trust in her. Everything in me goes into defense mode whenever I deal with her... Good thing we ended things amicably. :P

Another thing she told me was she will be home for a month. Granted, home for her is 5 hours from my habitat, but it's not quite as comfortable as having her on the other side of the country... I don't know how to feel about that. I don't really want to see her at all, but there's always that feeling of "just be her friend dumbass, she won't hurt you" that lingers and bugs me. Attachment issues, god they suck.

If I could let go, then maybe I wouldn't care whether I saw her or not. Alas, that's not going to happen. Through all we were through, I still have feelings (of the good sort *grin*) for her, I just know I can never and SHOULD NEVER and WILL NEVER act on them. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt, walked that road etc... the only good thing about that horrible dread feeling, is that it sortof nullifies these lingering feelings and makes sure I don't act on my attachment issues that concern her.

A total loop, yes and no, mixed feelings, uncertainty, the need to scream... I guess lots of people go through this, but it seems to happen to me way too much...

enigmatic paradox, my happy little confused life...