ow ow ow ow ow... it hurts...

For some unfathomable reason I got no sleep last night. Oh wait, I do know the reason! My cats arrived and kept me awake all night. Between allergies and hoppy little cat feets, sleep was not to be had. I'm an aching wreck today, over-tired and sore from head to toe. Bitch - whine - moan.

The kitties are great, the older of the two did not adjust to the new surroundings at all, and hid under the bed. The little one explored every nook and cranny and made sure to push anything not glued down off each precarious ledge I happened to leave it on. I enjoy seeing them, but tonight we make the five hour trek home and tomorrow I deposit them at Buddha's parents house. Little bit of a self-imposed guilt trip for not keeping them myself... but one night in a tiny room with the two devils reminds me I am just not equipped to have them right now.

I get my lobster tomorrow! Woohoo! When I called to break the news to my mom that she would have two furry guests for one night, she told me they planned the feed for Saturday! Well tie me down and fuck me like a timberwolf! I get my lobster! I literally cheered on the phone. So my long weekend looks good so far, hopefully all will go as planned, if not, to hell with it all, I'm gonna eat me some lobstah!

Eyes

Monday started grey and cloudy.
It turned out to be warm and sunny in the afternoon.

Tuesday started grey and cloudy.
It turned out to be warm and sunny in the afternoon.

Today started warm and sunny.
It turned out to be grey and cloudy in the afternoon.

Must mother nature fuck with our heads?
Heehee!

The day is progressing, I am close to leaving for the day. It has been rough but my mood has picked up and I feel better. Now all I need is some sleep.

I can feel the rain coming. I went for a walk on my lunch break. It has gotten grey and cloudy outside. I walked down the street and I felt the wind pick up, getting stronger and stronger and I felt the rain in it, soon to come. The power of air and water together, strong, pulsing, invigorating. What a wonderful feeling...

I saw beautiful eyes. I walked to one of the malls down the road. I saw beautiful eyes in that mall. Twice! Not just pretty eyes, not just dazzling eyes, but stunningly beautiful eyes, the kind that make my heart skip a beat. All I have to do is see them and I feel happy... what a wonderful feeling that is! I appreciate any eyes... eyes speak to me of the people I encounter as I meander along through life. But every so often I'll see eyes that literally make me stop short and blink. Twice today this happened in about a 5 minute span. Luck be a lady tonight!

If asked what colour of eyes is my favourite, I reply, "All of them." Really, I think the brown, blue or green categories just don't cover the extreme variance of colours unique to each persons eyes. I've seen and fell in love with eyes a vibrant blue the colour of the sky on a cloudless summers' day... but do I like those more than the penetrating dark brown deepness found in the eyes of my co-worker down the hall, or the shimmering emerald specks that flashed in the hazel eyes of a fiery old girlfriend, or the soft pale blue in the ever-so-sad eyes of my first boy crush... they are all heaven to me, I fall endlessly into them without a thought... eyes... how much I love eyes...

And so my day progresses and I sit here thinking about eyes, those I've experienced, those I will experience... and I am lost in thoughts of happiness and the world moves slowly along, letting me drift along with it for just a little while, happy and content.

/swear

In my eyes, indisposed
In disguise as no one knows
Hides the face, lies the snake
The sun in my disgrace
Boiling heat, summer stench
'Neath the black the sky looks dead
Call my name through the cream
And I'll hear you scream again
- Soundgarden

I am wiped out today. I woke with an awful headache and took some extra strength aspirin on top of my allergy medication. Joy of joys, my world has ground to a halt. All things seem to be sorting themselves out, but I'm in a holding pattern now. The cats issue is dealt with. I pick them up and they will take a two month vacation at Buddha's parents' place. They said they'd keep them until we get a place. Good. Not that I'd mind taking them, but it just makes everything a little easier on the brain. No permission from the Dungeon Master necessary, although just for the record he's a nice guy and he had already said yes... So, no 'me and two cats' stuck in a small room for two months. Two very frisky cats, I might add. So that is settled. Now to find an apartment. That sucks. My tenth move in five years. That's like two a year. Bitchin'! me...settle...down? I guess not... I have a job interview Friday, and if I got it, life would change dramatically... not money wise, I'd still be just making a fair wage, but the job situation would be fantastic. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, it's a job that could be lifted right from my resume. All one paragraph today. I'm too weary to separate thoughts coherently. I was bitchy to friends last night and had to apologize today. Damn my mood swings, they've been bad lately, but that's normal this time of year. Allergy season is like a living rollercoaster, I go from bitch to superbitch in a breath. The nice thing is that a few of them asked what was wrong. No smart remarks, no meanness returned, no finger pointing, they just want to know what the problem is and if they can help or fix it. Friends, good or casual, are a wonderful thing to have. The rest of the world can bite my bitchy ass, but friends, whether I'm in a good mood or bad, are worth all the gold in Texas. Is that an expression? All the tea in China maybe? Whatever. Two days here without bosses. The place runs itself, but I have things to do that I'm not in the mood to do. Fuckaluckalooey. I like that word. Summer is finally here, the weather is beautiful and the world seems like a nice place. And more than anything else right now I want a nap. Brain...need...rest...now...

Bach to the loch with you, Nessie!

My friends and I are most certainly Simpsons aficionados.. the little play on one of my favourite Groundskeeper Willy quotes in this entry's title relates to a pleasant experience from one of my recent trips back to The Habitat from home.

/rant from a mental tangent
Canada's CBC public radio is not my first choice of radio programming. While excellent quality, I prefer less talk. (And, I confess, I like loud pop music while travelling, it keeps me energized) I detest radio interviews. It has to be a damn good interview to keep me tuned in. Thus, CBC seems to have an interview on every time I want to hear music. I know there is CBC Radio One and CBC Radio Two and I just learned there is a CBC Radio 3 *jaw drops* but I'll be damned if I can find more than one CBC broadcast whenever I'm travelling. Yet again, I digress... After all is said and done, I support the CBC fully and I'm glad that all Canadians have this cultural source at our fingertips. Go Arts!! Nuff said.
/end rant

My pleasant experience. I was listening to the radio as I travelled back to The Habitat and I heard an absolutely fabulous piece by a group called the Montreal Guitar Trio. It is called The Lochs of Dread (listen). A classical guitar piece with a hint of reggae. Mmmm... reggae... Thus the fun of these titles. Seriously, I cracked up when I heard the title, I nearly drove off the road, right into the ocean. I enjoyed it so much that it's been running through my head off and on since then. If you like classical guitar, I recommend listening to this piece.

That was an awful lot of work to get one little thing off my mind...

Tangently yours,
Me

Here comes the rain again...

Literally and figuratively. It was rainy this morning and looks like it will be for some of this week. I'll survive, I don't have to walk to a bloody bus. I've mentioned before that I like rain. I do, but I like big rain, not that piddly shit you get during the day that just wets everything and makes it humid and sticky outside in the heat. Blech. Deluge, that's my kind of rain. Big black clouds drowning the earth. Meow. It damn well makes me purr.

My cats are coming. My bestest friend will be moving here in September, so I'll have to leave The Dungeon and go find a two bedroom place. I am excited but dread yet another move. Sigh, there's no end to moving... and what's worse is I have to get a two bedroom based on my budget, because there is no guarantee that my friend will find work right away. Sigh, so much for a 6th floor double wide balcony with dishwasher and two baths. I will have to settle for something that meets the basic needs and hope that she finds work quickly and we can 'move it on up'. Luckily, we're both practical and can deal with the basics for a little while. But this bloody city has an obscene desire to only rent in one year leases. Bloody hell, I can see having to make a small time commitment of say 3 months, but if the place turns out to be the shits, you're stuck there for a full year? Blah.

My cats are coming. The Dungeon is not cat equipped. I posed the question to the Dungeon Master last night. "Can I keep my cats here for two months? Pretty please with me on top?" *snicker* He's cute so that would be a fun prospect... But I digress. Buddha told me she can't keep the cats, she gave her notice and is moving in with another friend out there, that doesn't have a cat-conducive space. So she told me last night she wants to send them next week? Eep. I was expecting her in November, and the cats a little while before her. *Apply Brakes* Fuck, things are progressing quickly, I guess I'll have to pick up the pace.

So, my cats are coming. Whether they can stay with me or not has yet to unfold itself into the spectrum of my reality. The overwhelming sense of, "If he says NO, what the fuck am I going to do with them??!?" hit me like a brick yesterday... They are such sweeties, but if I can't keep them who the hell will? Argh!

This weekend is along weekend. The next weekend is a long weekend 'cuz I took two days off. So over that 10 day period, I'll be here for three days. Send cats next week? Oh fuck, maybe I can live in a cardboard box out behind the office... but wait, it's suppose to rain. Argh!

Sigh.

Lights, Camera, Action!

I went to see The Bourne Identity last eve. Twas an interesting show. Not spectacular, not boring. It entertained me, so I can hardly ask for more than that. In general, I'm a terrible movie critic, because I enjoy 99% of movies I watch. I usually try to get to see most of the major market motion pictures. On occasion I'll pick up some independent stuff... it depends on my mood. A movie would have to be pretty cheesy before I would say it is bad. I rarely give a movie less than a mediocre rating. Only once have I ever got up and left a movie... the '97 movie Excess Baggage was so bad, my friends and I were disgusted and left. Perhaps we should have known better... *shrug*

I went with my roomies... nice guys, they make me laugh... constant good humour is the call of the day around those two... not that I'm a stick in the mud myself, but they remind me of Laurel and Hardy... makes me smile... *smile*

I'm restless today. Not a good thing. When I get restless I make silly decisions that usually give me grief later, but time and again it happens... Innocence and Experience Does experience mean anything if you ignore it? Or is it more important to ignore experience and take a blind irrational step every so often? I know the answer that works for me, do both... But danmit, it gets me in trouble...

See my briefs!

I am not a morning person.

Let me repeat that. I am *NOT* a morning person. At all. I hate getting up, I hate waking up, I hate that moment that inevitably comes every single solitary workday morning when the realization sets in that if I stay in bed one second longer, I'll be late for work. Argh!

I am not a morning person. I love the night. Sunsets, my favourite time of day, the dazzling end of a brilliant day and the onset of night. I am a night owl. I like the wee hours of the night when the streets are empty and the world around me sleeps. Night is my playground.

I am not a morning person. I survive mornings mainly through one happy moment each day, when I hop into a hot steamy shower. I am a shower guy... yes, yes, yes... I begin to wake up when I get my shower. And I like it hot! Damn hot! Well, not scalding hot but enough to make the room really, really steamy when I'm done. If it gets too hot I suffer... it kills my ultra-sensitive skin, and I end with a few days of painful itchiness and irritation. But the shower is my morning saviour and without it my day just isn't right.

And this morning we had no hot water. Joy of joys. Best morning ever... Argh!

I woke up on time today, which is a miracle in and of itself. My room was freezing cold and all I wanted was to run up and dive into a nice hot shower. Didn't happen. I ran the water for five minutes. The hot water tap gave forth water several degrees below that of the cold water tap. "What's all this then?" I says to meself. So, I march down into the basement and go into the furnace room. I have never been in here before and I find there are no lights. Great. And the floor is covered with stuff. Great. And the water tank is in the back corner. Great. So I go on safari into the darkest recesses of this basement jungle. It's scary and I'm nearly lost on many occasions, "Ow! A nail!", "Ow! Something sharp and pointy!", "Ow! Something cold and pointy!", "Ew! Something cold and squishy!" and so on... An unpleasant journey for poor little, still half-asleep me...

At last, I found the heater! I hit the Start button and away it goes. Yay! Not 20 seconds later is comes to a dead stop. Boo! I hit the Start button again! Yay! Dead stop again... Boo! (doesn't it sound like I'm describing a Windows user experience, muahaha)

The moral of the story: There is none. Having no hot water sucks. I didn't get my shower and it hasn't been a great day, but I'm surviving. I had to shave and wash with icy cold water and I feel incomplete... I hope the guy that owns the place has whatever problem solved so I can get a shower tonite. Sigh.

After the safari, I knocked on my other roommate's door to let him know what was happening. So when he popped open the door I was standing happily in nothing but my CK boxer-briefs. Heehee, I'm such an exhibitionist. Normally, a guy seeing a guy in his undies ain't anything out of the ord, but when you're both queer, there's underlying currents, and I just enjoyed the moment. Heehee. Besides... he's really cute!

See my briefs!

*grin*

I rode along on the bus and wrote this in my head as we drove along; knowing full well I wouldn't remember a word... I was right, but it doesn't matter; the only things I recall are two lines; one, the monologue that's ongoing as I watch the streets pass by cannot be put down in words, the words just keep coming and going, all that matters is the experience of them; the other, acid is my siren; but I have always been it's master and always will be, I hear it call, and I can look it in the eye, and even though it's song entices me more than anything else, I can turn away;

I walked into utopia this evening; when I was younger I tried many drugs, not the harsh ones like crack or heroin, but the fun teenager types that make weekends into experiences; they were all fun, interesting, entertaining, whatever... but of them all, I fell in love with acid, LSD, the maker of my mind;

tonite I had a flashback; only the second in my life.. the first was vague and I can't recall when or where it happened, it was short and I wasn't sure until later what had happened; not so tonite... this one was so potent I am still dizzy with excitement; the world is a new thing when you're on a trip like this... it has been three years since I had my last hit, I've thought about finding some here, but it wasn't a big thing, just something to do if I got bored... tonite was a treat beyond my wildest wishes; there is no describing such a thing, it just is; and I am happy;

I went to see the movie Insomnia tonite; I can only assume that brought it on; the movie has such odd flashing scenes all through it, the lights just rushed me out; thank you makers of the movie, it wasn't all that great in and of itself, but as I left the theatre the world did a 360 and I found pure bliss...

Ack! Pollen!

Allergies. Millions of north americans have allergies. I am one of these fortunate many.

"And the world shall have beauty," said the Lord. "And it shall have trees, and flowers, and grass, and warm shall its days be. And it shall have seasons in which it will renew itself and the people I put on it shall delight in its wonder. And some of them shall have allergies. BAM!"

As he creates allergies, I picture God with a handful of pepper, doing the Emeril thing, "BAM!" and a handful of itty-bitty humans sneezing their fool heads off... thus allergies are created.

I am not one of the unfortunate many that have life-threatening allergies. I am allergic to spring. To a lesser degree summer. To an even lesser degree, some kitties and puppies.

I recall a first grade experience, sitting in the hall of the old elementary school, my eyes swollen nearly shut, filled with water so badly it looked like I was crying for a week, my nose red and running a marathon, sneezing and wheezing, waiting for my mom to arrive at the school with Orange Triaminic, the drug of choice in my childhood. Mmm... that stuff was good. Red Triaminic, the stuff we took for colds and flus, not a pleasant thing, but the thick orangey syrup of Orange Triaminic was a saviour to me for many years.

In recent years, a plethora of drugs has gone through my system in an attempt to ward off the evil spirits of springtime allergens. Most provide some relief from the worst symptoms, but it's a bandaid situation. I struggle through the days, cranky and irritable, waiting for spring to end. I suppose this is a big factor in Autumn being my favorite time of the year.

I have minor allergy symptoms for about two or three months each spring. But, sometime in May or June I go through a period of one to three weeks of pure hell. Allergy attacks so bad that I want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. There are some drugs that relieve all the symptoms so well that it is scary, but those drugs render me useless. Liquid Benydril, my last resort in the battle against seasonal allergies, clears out my system so fully I actually feel like I had a sinus and nasal enema. The downside is that if I am able to stay awake after a dose of the stuff, I am unable to think. At all. Period. Brain go numb. I literally sit in a chair and blink. Television is the only thing I am able to process, because TV doesn't really require thinking. Read a book? Can't. Conversation with people? Can't. Work? Can't. I become useless. Thus Liquid Benydril, as a last resort to stop the most severe allergy attacks I get, renders me useless. Catch 22? Damn right it is.

So I've been moody and cranky and whiney lately Plllb!! It's my version of PMS, except it's an annual occurrence and fuck you if you cross my path because, bitch, I'm gonna tear you a new asshole!

Heehee, it's soooo nice to vent. All in all, allergies and flu aside, life's been damn good lately. My best friend is moving back to the east coast this fall, she wants to share an apartment... I'm soooo happy! She's so awesome! The Buddha's coming back! Yay!

And now after wasting 2 hours at work, I think I'll go do some of that stuff that I get paid for. And get a Kleenex. *sniffle sniffle*

persons

i am at peace with the universe
i sense the wholeness of everything, seen and unseen
i look, and without knowledge or understanding, i comprehend existence
i wake each day,
i am at peace with the universe

i wake each day,
i lose my way, lose my sight, lose my grip on reality
indecision, fear, wonder, awe,
i shiver and quake
i am an insignificant piece of the universe

i shiver and quake
i stumble, fall, tear out my heart , i agonize over my losses,
i sense my reality, clear my head, i look to the stars and beyond
i feel life and reality, existence unfurled
i am at peace with the universe

More rain, but I'm dry

It rained again this morning. It is needed. The forests are parched and fires threaten. Let it rain, cuz I'm in a good mood.

I got to the bus on time and sat down amid the damp and steaming masses on their early morning commute. I looked up and was treated to Poetry on the Go, a public transit thing. Poetry rather than those godawful ads... how wonderful! As a poet myself, I appreciate how wonderful it is that poets have one more way to reach the public.

I've seen similar things on many buses across the country, but this one poem was really perfect for this morning and it made me smile. A simple, eight line rhyme about the wind. I'm still all tingly about it. It opened the floodgate of my imagination and I've been drifting around in it all day. Lovely. What a great way to start a day!

So kudos to you, gentle creators of Poetry on the Go... I salute your brilliant idea that has so many times made me smile, but today, has made me happy.

Now if only they'll change internet advertising to poetry... one can wish! *smile*

I am not in a good mood today.

It was downpouring as I prepared to leave for work. It is a fifteen minute walk from my house to where I get the bus. Joy...

I was warned by a co-worker that it would rain today, so last night I purchased my very first umbrella. It is purple. I own a bright purple umbrella. It is the only thing I have found bright in the dismal day.

Today, I learned that umbrellas work wonderfully for rain that is falling directly to the ground. Today, I learned umbrellas do not work well with rain being driven sideways by high winds.

I've been at work for three hours and my lower half is still wet. I walked in the front door, soaking wet from the waist down and the staff took one look at me and decided it was not a good day to talk to me. To be honest, the only way I cold have stayed dry on that walk was if I was wearing full rain gear. It was very windy, very rainy and very unpleasant.

I am not in a good mood today.

I miss my car. Oh, my shitty little car, how I miss thee... sigh... I would have been to work on time and warm, dry and happy if I had my car. Fuck, this week sucks.

I thought I might have a free drive home to get my car for the weekend. That went tits up this morning. My friend has to leave early in the day, and I can't afford to take another day off. So my options are to pay a lot of money and go home Saturday morning and drive back Sunday, or wait until next weekend and get a drive home then.

Another week sans automobile? ... kill me now! ... please!! ... all I want right now is to go back to bed and pretend this week has not happened. Sigh.

I am not in a good mood today.

My weekend was not what I had hoped for. I wanted to get home, relax have lobster and a house party Saturday evening and head back to the habitat after the family dinner on Sunday.

Nope. Didn't happen.

Friday evening. I crash at 10pm. I am too worn out to stay awake any longer. Sadly, my parents are up partying three hours after I hit the sack. But I don't feel old... I swear.

Saturday morning. The starter in my car has decided to cease functioning... so I am now without a vehicle for the weekend. Also, I no longer have a way back to the habitat. Shitdamnhellcrapassfuck! (a phrase borrowed from a friend) And, this is gonna cut into my lobster buying money.

Saturday afternoon. Mom's resident dies at church. No one is going to party tonite, that's right out... Lobster feed, which is already on shaky ground due to neighbor's scheduling conflict, goes down the tubes. Just as well, I wouldn't enjoy it as much. I drown my sorrows in BBQ'd ribs and beer. I decide to veg out with the folks, so I rent Ocean's 11. I have seen it before, but it was a fun movie and I drool over Brad and Julia anyway. Ok, so Saturday isn't all bad...

Sunday morning. Ow my head hurts. I go to church to listen to the folks sing. They still amaze me. We have the family dinner. I gain five pounds, well, maybe ten... sigh... I call the mechanic neighbor that *hopefully* will fix my car. His phone is temporarily disconnected. Shitdamnhellcrapassfuck! Reality sets in and reality bites. I now know I will have to leave my car to be fixed and take a shuttle back to the habitat - bloody hell... call the boss, tell him I won't be in Monday; call shuttle, book a seat; call college friend that I haven't seen in a while, make a date for a movie; whew...

Sunday evening. I feel fat because, over the course of two days, I have eaten a whole pie.Oink oink! I pick up my date, who is an old friend from college, the younger sister of my best friend, so the implied date thing is just a joke, and we shoot the shit for a few hours over really bad coffee, and I laugh my hole off. Life is good. Finish the evening by going to see Clones! Yay, it was great, I enjoyed it *SO* much! I drop off the little darling with a promise to call next time I'm home. I crawl in to bed at 2:05am.

Monday morning. At 6:00am I dive through the shower and shovel in a little food as I race to get packed up and ready to go. I leave several essential parts of my life in my room, damnit! (The worst thing left is my alarm clock... ack! Nothing to get me up for work Tuesday morning?? Oh dear god, this is *NOT* good...) Get a drive to the shuttle for a nice five hour ordeal. (When I'm the driver, I love the long drive. When I'm the passenger, it is pure torture.) Five hours later I'm tired and cranky and back in the habitat. Shitdamnhellcrapassfuck!

And that, as they say, is that. I'll head back this weekend to fetch my lovely car. $235.00 later I'll hop in and drive it back here. Sigh. Maybe the magic fucksy faery will sprinkle some magic fucksy dust on me and I'll get laid this weekend. *smile* Yeah, I'm daydreaming again.

The Passing of Florence

One of the residents at my mom's house died Saturday. She was 82 years old and had lived there for five years. I'd gotten to know her quite well. A very friendly old lady with a remarkable sense of humour and a positive outlook on life. I sat at the kitchen table doing a crossword with my parents and eating lunch Saturday. She was with there with us, joking around, teasing us we attempted the tough weekend puzzle. A few hours later, mom took her to church and that's where she died. Mom told us she was sitting there kidding that she'd drive them back to the house after church, and a few minutes later took one big breath and was gone. What gets my mind spinning, is the fact that she had always said that she had no problem with dying, but that she wanted to get to church before she did. She got her wish. She had a peaceful death where she wanted to be in the end... what more could anyone ask?

She will be missed and fondly remembered.

Blue screen of death.

Nothing is more frustrating than when you are working on some document and then, out of nowhere, *snap, crackle, pop* your computer crashes. We all know the feeling! We all have that worst-experience-ever that can be recalled... argh!

I had a wonderful rant about my weekend, and it's gone with the wind... Sigh... I'm too annoyed to start again now, I'll do it tomorrow.

And of course as I saw everything lock up in front of me, I silently cursed Gates and all MS for once again adding to my insanity... but 'lo, twas not Gates this time, twas Novell Server. Bloody hell, can't even cuss out Gates today and get away with it, Jeebus!

Damn them all, I hope they all rot! *smile*

Aside from that, the "just-not-Lisa" started this week and she's pretty good. I like her. The potential for more shenanigans increases by the second... and my mood is improving. All in all, not a bad way to start the week (yes, it's Tuesday, not Monday, and not a Monday in disguise... Monday won't pull a fast one on me again!!)

A co-worker just pointed out a typo he found online on some crazy petition... No matter who you are, you cannot spell the word MYSTERIOUS as "miterious". I think that made my day. *smile*