cook much?

I felt bad for the cashier at Superstore today. I bought a $3.50 prepared "Nacho chips and Dip" from their ready to go section. She commented as I paid, that she loved the nachos and had them for lunch all the time. She said, "They're so great and I can never make them as good at home." Geez. I've watched them make them... a blob of cream cheese, followed by a blob of salsa, followed by a handful of bagged sliced cheese. On top of that, they toss a few pieces of cut up tomato and green pepper. How can you fuck that up? And really, it isn't all that good, it's just ok. If it wasn't for the green pepper and tomato, I'd never touch the damn things. She has my sympathy.

home is where the heart is?

It seems that I have lost sight of the path. All I'm taking back with me after a trip home this time is a sense of inadequacy and a befuddled mind. I spent a day surrounded by family and friends celebrating my mother's birthday... it was shadowed by the old familiar feeling of isolation and the sense I just don't fit in. I watched the waves as I got ready to sleep last night and while they provided some soothing feelings, I couldn't find any inner calmness. It was very disappointing. The past year has been fairly good, so I don't understand why I'm so fucked up with uneasiness and mild depression. It's unusual. While I don't feel sick, I don't feel that I'm physically right either... it's annoying me and adding to my addled mental state. I can't put my finger on what it is, but something feels out of whack. I'm convincing myself a trip to a doctor is a good idea. I couldn't convince myself to drive back to Halifax today, it was just to much. I wasn't even tired, I slept well last night... I was just worn out. Even a two hour nap in the afternoon didn't pick me up, I just gave up. Very weird that... leaves fall in autumn, that's nature. But they fall in the spring too. We just don't notice it. The delay in departure had one fringe benefit... I got to visit with some friends over coffee. They're doing well which lifted my spirits a bit. I can see their path, it looks really good. So where the fuck did mine go?

heh, too funny :)

I love you Fantasy Goat!

WOOT!

This is quite exciting for me! Yeehaa! Penny Arcade is getting its own game! :)

I'm so, so, so, so, fizucking excited!

The concept art done for the package features the Fruit Fucker! Hahahahaha! This is going to rock!

grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I just had to deal with the most clueless customer I've had in years. Argh! She owned an iPod and knew absolutely nothing about it, iTunes or music... or anything in general. The worst part was, her iPod wasn't working correctly, and I had an appointment set for the same time she walked in the door and glommed on to me. Argh! Anyway, after 20 minutes, I set her on someone else... she was in the shop for another 30 minutes... Jeez. Then I went on to my appointment, which was dealing with a nice, little, old lady who was intent on driving me batshit crazy with a printing problem. After 40 minutes of trying to print from a 13 year old software application, she gave up. I probably could have figured it out, but she said she'd come back on a quieter day. There were 10 people in the showroom, enough to make it uncomfortably noisy and busy. I want to go home. Le sigh.

Xooga!

My dearest Aneikins,

Healing is a fine art. You're very good at it. Whether those two statements have correlation is entirely up to you.

- the pet Zo



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Hehehehehehehehe! ;)

summer heat on my feet

It was blissfully warm this past week. Three days of 25+ degrees. I made more trips to the park to enjoy the sun in the past week than I have in the past 6 months. Fantastic. It's funny how a walk and some air can do so much good for the mind. I've been enjoying myself. It's been good for my mood... mellowing in some ways, exciting in others. Things are ok on the Colin front, we've spent lots of time together and I've tormented him with endless patter about everything under the sun having to do with the two of us. Eventually he'll either keep me or shoot me from all the talk, I'm not convinced of which it will be yet. Hehe! :) I'm looking forward to the long weekend and a trip home. It feels like I was just there, but the past few weeks have flown by. I hear my coconut tree calling my name. Damn tree, leave me alone! I'm in a good place right now. I shouldn't bitch at the tree, as someone may come along and chop it down. Then what would I do. I'd have to go plant another and that's not even slightly funny to think about.

A few funny pics Colin sent me.



I was napping on him and he took a picture of my obviously un-tanned face. Eek! At least I was comfy.



Someone was being naughty and playing with his phone while he was driving. Pesky Colin!

sublime intricacy

With the exception of some random mood swings last week, May has been delightful. Allergy pills are the order of the day, and they've affected my moods, my contact lenses and have given me minor nose bleeds. How exciting. On a happier note, I spent the majority of my free time with Colin in the past week. He's helped me with some things and I think I've been a help to him on a few things too. It's a nice feeling to be there for each other, I appreciate it. I think old age has mellowed me a little bit. Mild, minor craziness aside, I think I've actually matured a bit. At least some parts of me have. For all that I'm weak in a few areas, other parts of me have gotten stronger and I feel like a better person for it. Random, self-indulgent tangents aside, my connection with Colin is good and the more time we spend with each other, the closer we seem to connect. It's quite exciting. Work has been rather uneventful lately, which has given me both time to ponder my life (ugh) and where I'm at. I am still on track with the 5 year plan, but my recent relationship issues have had me rethinking things. My plans have always been very focused on me, to the exclusion of anything else. I can't say I want to up and change the current plan right away, but for the first time since I started the plans, I've felt more inclined to have someone else to share with. I'm admittedly self-absorbed, so it's a foreign thought to take other poeple into consdieration in a plan that's all about me, but it's a thought. So much to do, so little time. I watched part of a South Park epsiode recently where Cartman was phoning himself in the past and his past self ignored him. I picture myself making a phone call to davey of summer 2003 and reading what I've just written. I'm fairly certaiin I'd have laughed myself silly, told present day me to go fuck myself and then proceed to the liquor store to buy some rye and get smashed. Perhaps I'm becoming a little less selfish, but I'm not really sure yet. Oddly enough, for the first time I can remember since back as far as when I was around 10 or 11 years old, my sense of self is re-devloping. It's an interesting feeling and a fascinating look at oneself in flux. I'm not sure what is changing about me, or what I'll end up being. As always, only time will tell.

Shun the risen

They come in darkness without warning
Little chance to escape their stony touch
Vaunted warriors strewn on the ground
Fallen defending a hopeless cause
Wicked words woven with bitter tongues
Blighting walls weakened with decay
Complete will be their inexorable decimation
When sands of time call home their own
Shun the world it is false and cruel

My dearest Colin, pour vous. ;)

Hee hee hee hee hee! You can hit me later. ;)