hmm

I have never understood why people seem to like me. I'm not all that interesting, I don't do a hell of a lot... in fact, most of the time, I'm quite dull, bordering on boring. I'm a good listener and many people say I'm a nice guy, but is that the only reason? I don't get it really... I have heard from both men and women similar phrases over and over; you're such a nice guy. I'm really not. I'm polite to the point of ridiculousness, but nice isn't really something I do. For most people I'd as soon smash them in the face with a bat as smile and hold the door for them. It puzzles me why people find me nice and have a tendency to like me, but don't seem to ever see anything else about me or find something about me that they love. You can't love "nice", it's absurd to even think about it. That's like trying to hug a cloud. Even in Care-A-Lot they couldn't do that, and they drove around in clouds in that drug induced city of tattoo'd, talking bears. So I sit here after hearing "You're a nice guy" for the fourth time this month and I wonder if that's what I'm doomed to be for the rest of my life; the guy people like because I'm nice. Fuck that, how pitiful would that be. If I have to go out every day and punch people in the back of the head to finally have someone see something else in me, I may just have to do it. I don't want to be the nice, liked guy... I want to be the guy that someone fell in love with because they found something else about me that gave them a reason to love. But I really don't know how to do that. That's the sad recurring thought I've had for nearly a year now, and the men and women I've dated have reinforced it. Blah. I think the biggest problem is that I over analyze people; I sift them like sand and stack all the things I like about them in a pile and dazzle myself with them... until something strikes me as lovable and then I pounce on that. I can't tell if people ever do the same or if they just see a two dimensional man with NICE written across his forehead. As much as I pride myself on being able to read people like books, I'll be damned if I can figure out if anyone ever really gets me or not. This is getting tedious, annoying and it's making me sad.

ou et la douche?

I am away! Literally. I am visiting relatives while the washroom in my home is gutted and refitted in a beautiful all tile motif. I think it is going to be green again, my second last choice for a colour, but it's not my house... but it's better than yellow... Shudder.

Thus I am enjoying a little break away from the regular grind and living outside the city for a few weeks. It's nice and work has been fairly relaxed so it's like a little bit of a vacation. The weather has been on and off, but I had one nice day where I just sat and enjoyed the sunny warmth of a May day. Yummy.

The New York trip that was so looked forward to was cancelled, but looks like it will happen in the fall. That's exciting, especially since this time we have people we can count on to stick to the plan and not back out without notice. Fockers. I cuss at thee until the end of time. Or until I fall asleep tonight and forget about it.

The job hunt is going as expected... slowly. There are lots and lots of jobs, many of which I am not qualified, many of which I'm over qualified and some that I'd do only after ripping out my eyes with a large spoon... meh, it always sucks but it has to be done.

I know someone who wants to do body art. How exciting! I had a girlfriend that used to draw designs all over my body... one of the most erotic things I've ever experienced... I'm wondering where this may lead to. I like being a willing canvas.

Since I'm in tangentasia, I like these pictures.

This is what I'd like to have in the new shower. I'd drop acid before work everyday. For sure. But seriously, how fun would it be to smoke a joint, turn off all the lights and have sex in this shower with just this light on. Head rush.



This is me in the shower. Seriously. I've been growing my hair again, it's really growing fast. Sadly, I had to crop out my breasts, as that's not allowed by my ISP.



And this picture just doesn't sell me on the waterproof case for my iPod so I can shower with it. It actually induced terror. Worse than watching It when I was a child.



Digress; exeunt.

pwnd

what a fucked up week, I'm overtired, insomniatic, working weird but short hours and trying to job hunt in between all the other crap going on... after the break in, I fixed the window in my car (which was an ordeal, but easier to do than I anticipated) and now the exhaust has a leak in it, so it's lost power and is getting noisy... and the gas tank has a leak in it... it's rained like a fucker a few days this week, and been grey and miserable the rest of it... oddly enough, I'm not minding any of this, I'm just tired and need a few days of sleep to get my batteries recharged... unfortunately, bathroom renovations start tomorrow, so I'm hightailing it to someplace else for a few days until we have a functioning shower again... I really need a vacation in another part of not-Atlantic-Canada-world