Facile credo, plures esse Naturas invisibiles quam visibiles in rerum universitate.

I dreamt of fire today and it was an odd dream, occurring during a short afternoon nap. I was filling up my car at a gas station that I pass every day on the way to work. I never go to this gas station, it is in a terrible location for traffic. I would never consciously go to this gas station, it gives me a bad vibe. So being there filling up my car was the first odd thing about the dream. As I stood there pumping the gas, there were many other people doing the same. As I came back to the car from paying, I noticed that there was a small blue flame flickering on the passenger side near the hood. It looked like an alcohol flame, the near invisible type, which puzzled me as there are no components involving alcohol on my car. I tried to blow out the flame, and the body of the car itself began to burn and disintegrate outwards in a radial pattern slowly from where the blue flame had started. At this point in the dream I begin to panic, as I can remember hearing a story from a friend about a fire at a gas station and how close they came to having the whole place explode and take out half a neighborhood. So I start looking around for something to douse the fire, a cloth or a stick or a bucket of water... there is nothing at all nearby that I can use. I start yelling to warn the others and everyone is gone. I look around and their cars are still there, everything else looks the same, but all the people are gone. So I am standing all alone at a gas station, my car parked beside a pump and the car is shortly going to go up in a ball of flames. I start to run away but I can't. I know that if I run and the station explodes, I will be the one responsible for half a neighborhood being destroyed and all the lives that will be lost. This gas station is nestled directly in the middle of a large neighborhood. Houses are literally packed all around it. So in the dream I am totally alone, but I know that all the houses around me have people in them and I can't let them die. I make a decision: I have to drive the car as far away from the station as I can get it before it is totally covered in flame, so that the station will not explode. I look at my car and the front passenger side is covered in flame and disintegrating before my eyes. I run back to the car and just as I am about to open the drivers side door and get in, I wake up.

Future echoes.

Card Sharks and Craniums

No flights, no plans. Must improvise.

Dinner and a movie with cousins, then drive to another cousins' house. A never ending game of poker and a shitload of Euchre. Cards and beers and a rousing game of Cranium.

Moral of the story, I do a very good impression of Bob Dylan, and nod my head a lot while creating an ice cube tray.

Fucking Snow

I am supposed to be at the airport in an hour. It's nice here, a few flurries but nice. It's a blizzard at home. Two weeks in a row! Grr! The flight looks like it is still on, but who flies into a blizzard? Air Canada cancelled their flights into the city, so my guess is that my flight will end up on the cutting room floor very shortly. (probably *after* I get to the airport to check in, because their stupid customer service line is always busy or the hold time is endless) The airport is a 10 minute drive down the road, so at least I'm not going out of my way.

I am more than mildly annoyed. Fucking fucking shitdamnhellcrapassfucking snow.

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Super Grover!

Damn it all to hell, Sesame Street warped my mind. I fly home tomorrow for a four day vacation. Huzzah! Then I come back and Monday I have a date. If the plane doesn't crash, this could be a pretty damn good week!

Imaginary

Can love ever be anything more than imaginary?

Is there a window that opens and closes defining the limits and boundaries of actual love? Is it more than just a moment in time? Is there a chance it is eternal and it just can't be understood? If it is someone else's love, is it wrong to want to steal it for yourself?

Some days I just overthink.

Work

Work is not something I'm ever enthusiastic about. I enjoy working. I'm usually good at what I do. It keeps me entertained for short periods of time. It provides money, which is one happy benefit. But I am never enthusiatic about it.

I'm a daydreamer. I find repetitive tasks tedious. If I could survive on philosophy and coconut milk and nothing else, I'd park myself under my coconut tree in the Caribbean and wile away the days.

Finding a job that keeps me interested beyond the first few weeks is never easy. The few I have found were great, but due to the circumstances of them, I choose to leave. One was in the middle of butt fuck nowhere. The other was in a great spot, but too far away from home.

Now I'm close to home and can't find a job that's not dreary beyond words. I'll say one thing about job hunting, it makes you appreciate the pure silliness of economics. Five hundred years from now when we live in a currency free world, I'll look back on this post and laugh, laugh, laugh.

Ha ha.

Smile

I made someone smile today. I like that.

roflmao

11:36:59p Goblin ponders, "hmm i should take this anger out on some mahas"
11:37:33p Goblin asks, "to savanah?"
11:37:52p Goblin says, "hey"
11:37:58p Gorvin says, "hi"
11:38:10p Goblin asks, "want to bag a few furs?"
11:38:27p Gorvin asks, "I guess?"
11:38:38p Goblin asks, "?"
11:39:08p Goblin says, "nevermind... ttyl"
11:39:21p Gorvin ponders, "yay"
11:39:36p You gave good karma to Gorvin, roflmao

*Disclaimer: If you know nothing about Clan Lord, this will mean nothing to you.

Sperm are never homosexual!

Imagine that.

To keep informed of the current goings on around the world, I subscribe to several eNews lists. I particularly like to keep up-to-date on things in the news that concern queers. Thus, I sometimes read things that strike me as absolutely hilarious and others that really offend me.

Then there are those things that are just plain dumb...

If sperm could speak Barry Wick is very upset (Feb. 6 letter) over opponents to the homosexual lifestyle. He accuses us of being strictly religious in our opposition as if we knew no science. He calls us "closet creationists." I am a creationist, but have never been a closet creationist! Barry should consider the (biological) science of sperm and eggs. In sexual matters, males produce sperm and females produce eggs. If sperm could speak, they would tell homosexuals to find a wife. Sperm need eggs, not more sperm. Sperm are never homosexual! Since sperm look for eggs in a female, why shouldn't a man desire a wife? A man may desire a man in his mind and emotions, but his sperm desire a woman with eggs! It is a biological (scientific) fact! Rev. H. WAYNE WILLIAMS Rapid City

Perhaps this preacher should lead his proverbial flock to listen to some talking sperm, just to see what they say.

*The letter was in the Rapid City Journal

Snow Shoes

I've never used snow shoes, but I've had snow shoes. I had them today, for the second day in a row. Snow shoes happen when you are shoveling snow that is waist high in your driveway. Snow shoes happen when the clever snow evades the careful wrappings around your boots and creeps down alongside your ankles while you are in the process of relocating other snow.

I love Canada and I love Nova Scotia, but I'm tired to death of fucking snow. I need a job that takes me to the equator from November 15th until April 5th every year.

I am seriously considering 'Plan C', where I move to the Caribbean and sleep under a palm tree and live off coconuts.

Voices

She called! She called! A voice from out of the darkness, unknown and unheard for oh so long.
Soul nurturing siren song, how happy am I now.

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Where did you come from
Oh golden sunbeam
That enshadows so my soul?

I found you, I lost you
Yet ever you were there
Waiting, watching, writhing,
Deep within my abyssmal mind.

How do I see thee?
How can I see thee...
while blindness overcomes me?
Yet now you blind me more,
And make me see beyond
What you are, what you were,
To what you can be.

Brighter than sunrise,
You christen me anew
With my each and every thought of you.

You once were lost,
But now am found,

And all that I can see
is you.

Tranquility

If ever I wondered what I should do when encountering the sun,
I found my way by turning to look at the shadow cast behind me.

You and I

Hold you, touch you,
Laugh with you, cry with you,
Look deeply in your eyes,
Hold you close while you sleep.

Caress you, embrace you,
Live with you, learn of you,
Feel softly your touch,
Kiss you gently while you sleep.

Know you, love you,
Walk with you, dance with you,
Hear your passionate voice,
You are my dreams while I sleep.

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I woke to see you standing there,
Bright like the rising autumn moon,
Simple beauty shining down on me,
You rose above on angel's wings.
This temple built, by mine own hand,
Is bathed in soft white light,
Your heart, your soul, your beautiful face,
Are etched on its sky-blue walls,
And I walk its halls,
Embracing memories, building dreams,
Swimming in faith and love.

An Awakening, To A Visit From A Friend

I open my eyes, I see you sitting there, looking at me, smiling at me,
I feel loved.

I know you were there, quietly waiting, watching over me,
I feel safe beside you.

I see your eyes, so bright, so happy, so close, your warmth flows over me,
I feel happiness being near you.

I recognize your beauty, that which I have come to know,
and wonder what I'd done to be so lucky,
I feel special being yours.

I look and see myself in you, feel you deep inside of me,
know the truth of being us,
I feel awe at what we are.

I see it in all of you, your eyes, your face, your heart,
I see and feel myself there beside you,
Whenever I remember,
I smile and know true joy.

Psychosis

And in this pool of life I lie
And sing a silent lullaby

And strangely, oh so strange I sing
Of life and lies and forgotten kings

And further now, and further on
Light breaks forth foreshadowing dawn

Upon the horizon I do see
A stranger who was once but me

I took the hand he offered me
And two sang out in harmony

What is, what was, what will be,
The music of two, a melody unknown,
Created, blessed, tainted, caressed,
By life reborn as me
By life reborn in me

Inspiration

Someone mentioned they like poetry, so I was inspired to post some of my own meanderings. Enjoy!

PS. The poem by Hilaire Belloc is one of my favorites, discovered when my English anthology fell open in first year university. It has been a joy to me ever since.

Lines For A Christmas Card

May all my enemies go to hell,
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel.

- Hilaire Belloc