home is where the heart is?

It seems that I have lost sight of the path. All I'm taking back with me after a trip home this time is a sense of inadequacy and a befuddled mind. I spent a day surrounded by family and friends celebrating my mother's birthday... it was shadowed by the old familiar feeling of isolation and the sense I just don't fit in. I watched the waves as I got ready to sleep last night and while they provided some soothing feelings, I couldn't find any inner calmness. It was very disappointing. The past year has been fairly good, so I don't understand why I'm so fucked up with uneasiness and mild depression. It's unusual. While I don't feel sick, I don't feel that I'm physically right either... it's annoying me and adding to my addled mental state. I can't put my finger on what it is, but something feels out of whack. I'm convincing myself a trip to a doctor is a good idea. I couldn't convince myself to drive back to Halifax today, it was just to much. I wasn't even tired, I slept well last night... I was just worn out. Even a two hour nap in the afternoon didn't pick me up, I just gave up. Very weird that... leaves fall in autumn, that's nature. But they fall in the spring too. We just don't notice it. The delay in departure had one fringe benefit... I got to visit with some friends over coffee. They're doing well which lifted my spirits a bit. I can see their path, it looks really good. So where the fuck did mine go?