sublime intricacy

With the exception of some random mood swings last week, May has been delightful. Allergy pills are the order of the day, and they've affected my moods, my contact lenses and have given me minor nose bleeds. How exciting. On a happier note, I spent the majority of my free time with Colin in the past week. He's helped me with some things and I think I've been a help to him on a few things too. It's a nice feeling to be there for each other, I appreciate it. I think old age has mellowed me a little bit. Mild, minor craziness aside, I think I've actually matured a bit. At least some parts of me have. For all that I'm weak in a few areas, other parts of me have gotten stronger and I feel like a better person for it. Random, self-indulgent tangents aside, my connection with Colin is good and the more time we spend with each other, the closer we seem to connect. It's quite exciting. Work has been rather uneventful lately, which has given me both time to ponder my life (ugh) and where I'm at. I am still on track with the 5 year plan, but my recent relationship issues have had me rethinking things. My plans have always been very focused on me, to the exclusion of anything else. I can't say I want to up and change the current plan right away, but for the first time since I started the plans, I've felt more inclined to have someone else to share with. I'm admittedly self-absorbed, so it's a foreign thought to take other poeple into consdieration in a plan that's all about me, but it's a thought. So much to do, so little time. I watched part of a South Park epsiode recently where Cartman was phoning himself in the past and his past self ignored him. I picture myself making a phone call to davey of summer 2003 and reading what I've just written. I'm fairly certaiin I'd have laughed myself silly, told present day me to go fuck myself and then proceed to the liquor store to buy some rye and get smashed. Perhaps I'm becoming a little less selfish, but I'm not really sure yet. Oddly enough, for the first time I can remember since back as far as when I was around 10 or 11 years old, my sense of self is re-devloping. It's an interesting feeling and a fascinating look at oneself in flux. I'm not sure what is changing about me, or what I'll end up being. As always, only time will tell.