Ever have your chest clench up with an overwhelming sense of dread?

(It's similar to the sensation you get when you know you're about to be hit by something that is really really *really* going to hurt.)

I've had that all morning.

An ex called my parents last week and asked for my phone number. An ex I was with for nearly five years. An ex I haven't spoken to in 2 years.

Ignoring five years of details, after insanity that I can only compare to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, we ended our relationship and went our separate ways. After 6 months we sorted some of the mess out, said our sorrys and things ended on a more-or-less friendly note. Some people describe this as, "it ended amicably." I hate that expression.

Mom told me last week that she had called and taken my number. No big deal, if she called I'd chat with her and see what was happening... It was fine. It was really unexpected and out of the blue, but it only affected me in a minor way. And she didn't call, so life went on as usual.

This morning I found out I had given my mom the wrong phone number. (I got a new one a few weeks ago). And so it's a whole new situation, because now the ball is in my court. Do I contact her or not? Do I step on this road to contact her? That means that *I* am the one making an attempt to communicate. Is this going to lead me down a path to disaster? Dread.

She has called... the last thing I said to her was that she could give me a call when I moved home in a few years (two years ago) and we could grab a coffee or something. Is that all this is? I have moved home, is she just calling to say hello? She's on the opposite side of the country, so coffee is out of the question... So I'm left wondering, what's the deal here?

I opted to make an attempt at contact. I sent her a email saying Hi and gave her my number (the correct one), but it screwed my mind up a bit. Why? Because I was the one who finally said enough is enough, and stopped any communication. None, at all, for any reason... and now I am going against that.

So what happens now? All I can do is sit back and wait.

Dread.