She called. It went well.

He hasn't called, I'm disappointed.

Talking to an ex while you're not in the best state of mind because of your current love interest can make life a bit uncomfortable. But, I'm at the point now that I've sortof accepted that he isn't going to call, so I'm shit outta luck. And that's that. I could call him, but is that really the best thing? If he's not interested, then I think I should let things be and get on with other stuff. Always thinking that, if things were that easy, life would be boring.

It was uplifting to speak with my ex, she was glad to speak to me and I felt the same way. We didn't mesh well at times, and had a rough time living together, but beyond all that we had bonded at the deepest level, that soulmate type thing... and so whatever my feelings and wariness, I still care for her and like it or not, wonder how she is. But that dagger in the heart feeling of dread has become synonymous with her... I never know what to expect, so I generally expect the worst and wait to be proven wrong.

So out of character for me, I'm always such an optimist... but there's the widget that makes life interesting for me... no simple truths work for me, I have to sit on the fence because I have a foot planted firmly on both sides of it.

She will be home for a month. And she will be visiting the city of my habitat.

She mentioned it in her first email. I avoided it completely.
She brought it up on the phone, I dodged the issue with grace and skill.
She asked flat out in her last email... I haven't responded yet...
"Maybe we can get together for coffee or something..?"

Take the Dagger of Dread and twist it 180 degrees around in my chest, if you please...?!?

I *so* want to and *so* do no want to... But I'm 99% sure I'll say yes and I'm 99% sure I'll enjoy seeing her and being in her company... But afterwards, am I just going to be miserable? Probably... It's a path I've walked before and I know it all to well.