Animals are fascinating, pets especially. Animals, like humans, enjoy playing. Young animals really like playing, they damn near frolic. I've been watching my kitten play a lot lately, it relaxes me. I was thinking about how similar we are to so many other animals when they are young. We are currently the dominant species, but watching animals can give a lot of insight into how alike we all are on this silly little rock in the middle of space. We may dominate, but I don't think we're really all that more advanced. We basically do they same things as animals, we've just become much more refined... more than anything else, I think we're better at exploitation. Hmm, not something I want to delve into, I just had all this shit fly through my brain as I was enjoying the kittens antics with a ball of paper.
For months I've been seeing this girl on the side of the road on my way to work holding a sign asking for spare change to help her on her trip out west. I thought it would be nice to give her a few dollars, as I know what a bitch it is to get enough money to live when you get out there. This was in my head for months and I thought it would be kind of cool to put it in a card saying "Good luck!" or something silly like that. Anyway, I thought that would be fun and decided to do it some week when I had some extra money. Being in debt up to my eyeballs until 2 months ago made it rather impossible, but I only owe people around $1000 now, so I can reasonably afford $25 or $50. So I figured I'd get paid and do this, then I realized about a week ago her sign said she was leaving in 5 days. Problem was I didn't have extra money this past week, I was short $200... bah. So then finally I had the money, but not a card, so I thought I'd go make my own and print it at work. So I drove by as the sign changed to 4 days then 3 days, but being to busy at work I didn't get a chance to make the card. So finally the next day I said, fuck it, I'll just give her some money. So I drove by and she was not there, I guess she's already gone. My problem is I don't know how I feel now, I only know I missed an opportunity to just be nice to someone, no strings attached... it's a weird feeling after months of having it on my mind, and due to silliness on my part, nothing came about from it.
As I walked down Barrington St. after finishing a job on Thursday, I happened to pass a girl on the street asking for change. I didn't have any, I keep all my change in the car for Tim Horton's trips. I smiled and said "sorry, not today" and walked along. I had seen her ask an old man as he walked by about 10 seconds before I arrived. A little further up the street I was passing the old guy and he leaned over to me and said, "An old fella like me, wouldn't do me much good givin' any money, but a young fellow like you, well, you might just get yourself somewhere, eh!" and laughed loudly. From the obscene look on his face I could tell what he thought I might just get... I was utterly mortified and after picking up my chin I gave a loud nervous laugh, smiled maniacally, and walked away as fast as I could without running. Utterly mortified... and aghast, completely aghast. It's not often I'm unable to say anything at all, but that guy knocked the wind out of my sails. I like giving people money if I have some to spare, but the last thing I'd ever want from someone who's basically fallen on hard times and needs to ask for change on the street would be some sort of sexual act. I think that would be the most degrading thing I could possibly do in that situation... The fact that the old guy had thought it made me feel dirty. erf... Granted, some people prostitute when they fall on hard times, but that's not everyone... yeesh. I can't imagine someone asking me for change on the street and responding with, "hey I have ten bucks here, so what'll it get me?" Blargh. Anyway, I haven't been mortified in a long time, but that little experience stopped me dead in my tracks. And after thinking about it more, it brings me back to the idea that maybe we're not really much more than animals when it comes down to it. Just in most cases, less hairy. Another mental path I don't want to follow.
A vacation away for four days. The weather has been kind, the BBQ has blazed and the beer has flowed freely. What a sweet and sour week this has been.
