Anyone who has to deal with any type of "client" or "customer" at work knows that there are many, many different types of "client" or "customer". Let me take a moment to name a few of the more infamous types:
• the "asshole" customer
• the "chatty" customer
• the "loud and obnoxious" customer
• the "boring" customer
• the "cheap" customer
• the "has to have the very best of everything" customer
• the "idiot" customer
• the "I need this done immediately, right now, 'Is it done yet?!?' " customer
• the "what kind of special deal can you make for me and only me?" customer
and there are many more on the infamous list.
Today, I had the pleasure of dealing with at least one customer from each of the above categories. My brain feels like someone dropped an elephant on it. Twice. I won't go into detail about the above customers, they are easily imagined. Instead, I thought I'd relate a few tidbits about a few of the rare customers I ran into today.
• the "utterly clueless, 'If clues were shoes, they'd be barefoot' " customer
This poor, dumb fuck must require a booklet just to keep himself breathing. I truly believe that boiling water, making toast or the simple art of walking would confound this guy. After the 40 minute phone conversation about a label on one of our products, I no longer felt sorry for this guy, I was worried about the future of our species. The dumbest fuck I've encountered in a long time.
• the "publicly kinky" customer
Situation: Redneck man and redneck woman standing at counter. Redneck woman is buying redneck man some computer parts. Redneck woman says, in her best hick dialect, "Yer gonna have ta kiss my ass but good, fer buyin' you this stuff!" Redneck man responds with, "I'll take care o' that when we gets home." They both chuckle/cackle. Redneck woman says, "You'll have ta do a lot more then just kiss my ass!" They both chuckle/cackle again. Redneck man says, "You just wait 'n see what I'm gonna do!" They both chuckle/cackle again, sending a shiver right down my spine. I'm a very open minded person and enjoy kinkiness, but after looking at those two and listening to that I wanted nothing more than to go home and take a long hot shower with a bottle of bleach and a large scrubbing brush. Shudder.
• the "call every five minutes in a panic" customer
This guy was a really, really nice guy. But he lost all his charm after calling me 80 million times this week. Impossible to reassure him that his computer would be ready, I gave up and started making up things to tell him that had absolutely nothing to do with the questions he asked. After interrupting me three times while trying to take one payment from one customer he's lucky I didn't send the mafia after him. I know where he works and I know where he lives. I should tell him that next time to see if he calls back.
and finally,
• the "smelly" customer
Everyone loves this customer. He, she or it appears every so often in many guises and many different smells, none of them pleasant. Today's "smelly" customer appears in a sweat and dirt stained shirt reeking like feet. Need I say more?
Thus, the fun of today was marred by some very trying customers and I am exhausted. But you can't win em all, unless you cheat.
