semi-tangible clairvoyance

So it seems I am dying. Facetious death, I waggle my finger at you... I am more than you know and I have no fear of you. This new year is upon me and I look at frozen green lawns and snowless streets, wondering about how winter has changed in the past few years. It has changed much as I have; becoming warmer, but still decidedly cold. Outside my immediate circle of friends, I rarely warm up to people and let down my defensive walls. I've though about this over the past year and, oddly enough, I don't know if I want to change. With the time I have left I think I'd like to enrich what I have and ignore everything else. I admit that I am a selfish person at heart... in as much as I would like to say I've grown and changed from childhood, the core of who I am is still greedy and lustful of each moment that I can grab to claim for myself. I want it all and I want it all now, regardless of who or what I have to walk over to get it. Normally there's no walking over anything, experiences come freely from all facets of life, but I'm looking forward now and I see an end... something I've not had to think about before and it's made me rethink my modus operandi. I have lived, thinking that politeness is the essence of humanity... I have always tried to be polite and kind to people, smiling as much as possible and taking everything in stride. But why? What are these creatures that surround me, what makes them deserving of even my attention, let alone smiles and a friendly tone. Death take them all, they are of no use to me, those mindless fools walking around in a clouded world of 'three feet in front of me is all I realize'. On the other hand, I could rape and pillage every morsel of experience from each and every one, laughing as I plunder each minute detail of their mundane lives... what a waste you are, such a horrible waste... and so I shall use you all to the very last drop, giving nothing, taking everything, a reaper let loose on a field of souls... Faire death, bring unto me a feast of souls, I shall devour them whole. And I shall die laughing at the end.