where shall I go from here...?

As winter begins to creep closer and the days become as short as they possibly can, I find myself thinking about where I'll be in the next 5 years... The last five year plan is in crescendo and by next summer I will be in a position to reach for the apex, should all things follow along as they have been... the plan always made sense, it always seemed so much fun, it always gave me direction when I was sick of a job, or tired of being in a place, or lonely and lacking drive... but in the past six months something clicked in my head and my mindset seems different... the old plan still seems like great fun, it seems almost surreal that I might just be able to pull it off, but now I'm not sure that I want to... I have a fairly good job, that I enjoy more than any other I've had and lets me be my own boss for all intensive purposes... I enjoy this city with it's growing population and it's homeyness... I'm close to family and friends and the ocean... I think I've grown comfortable, which has never happened before... this is leading me to question where I'm heading and what I really want... should I work to make the old plan happen, give up my job, city, environment and go have a year of adventures? should I let go of my comfortable state of being and just let the wind take me wherever it will? at this point in life, do I really want to go traveling on my own? the answer to all these questions was yes for such a long time that it's weird to doubt myself and admit that I'm not so sure anymore... a new five year plan would take me to the year 2010... that's a year that back in the 80's and early 90's I used to see used as the setting for sci-fi movies... and here I am now looking at making plans to take me there... what an odd feeling, especially since I can't really make any type of plans unless I come to a decision as to what my focus should be... do I adventure abroad and set myself free to the currents of experience or do I settle down here and build something more with what I've got? either way, I will still get to travel and explore new parts of the world, I have my checklist written in my head... but there's a difference between just letting go to the whims of chance and the meticulous planning involved in traveling around the complexities of employment, home life, responsibilities and obligations... and all this is tinged with an odd feeling that I want someone to share this with, someone to make "my adventures" into "our adventures"... that feeling has been present since the summer, I have no idea why... not long ago, I ran into a friend at the club and we had a nice little conversation catching us up on the new and excitings of our lives... she asked me, "So you seeing anyone special?" I answered, "No, not right now." She smiled a bit and, knowing me well enough from years gone by, she said "So you're happily single?" I answered, "No." This threw her off a little bit, but it shocked me right to the core. Our conversation continued along, but I couldn't get past the fact I'd actually said that... I'd never even thought it to myself, let alone said it out loud. At that point, unwittingly, I had told myself the truth and it's been on my mind ever since. And therein lies the crux of the dilemma. The old plan was based on a mindset of a single man with no intentions of anything else but to have fun, adventure and explore without any hinderances, obligations or responsibilities. That doesn't fit so well anymore and like a pair of pants two sizes too small, it may have to be put aside... which then necessitates the implementation of a new plan... for the sake of balance, I need to have some sort of idea where I'm trying to go to... day to day life is the chaos I thrive on, the adventure, the uncertainty... I let daily life surprise me with new things to do, places to be, adventures to pop up out of the blue... the order I need to offset that is entrenched in the idea that I have a plan of some sort, that I'm not rudderless on the open ocean... chaos of daily life, balanced by the order of a long term vision... it's what keeps me moderately sane... six months of thinking and self ascertaining, mind crunching and this is where I am... and I'm left asking myself the question...