melancholy and the infinite sadness

el dumpo... it seems my feelings for this relationship were quite far off, which really makes me question myself, I'm usually much more in tune with people and read them better... at least he was honest and told me he didn't feel any connection, even though on my part, I thought there was... all I am today is sad and tired... winter and snow and now pouring rain and getting dumped... what a rough sunday... I woke up to a dumping over MSN, but the worst part was that I had forgotten my necklace and some library movies at his place, so I had to go over and pick stuff up... le sigh, as if getting dumped isn't hard enough... even worse he was nice and even gave me one of his paintings... that was it for me... I was driving away and burst into tears and had to pull over into a snowbank to collect myself... in all the other aspects of my life I am strong and able to cope with just about anything... why does it have to be that with love I'm more fragile than rice paper... and it seems so unreal to look for people to just have something meaningful and special with... people who seem nice and that I'm attracted to end up having no interest in me on that level... I want something more than just a casual friend, I want something more than just casual sex, I want something more than just a simple person in my life, I want someone special that thinks I'm special... it's so hard to decide how to proceed, I just don't trust my instincts anymore... and without them I'm afraid that I'm just in for a long line of pain and hurt in relationships that are totally one sided... more than anything today I want to pack it all up, move to the Caribbean and live under my coconut tree... it's easy to leave the pain behind when it's not cold, snowy and miserable outside matching the feelings inside... and more than anything I want to stop being lonely and find someone who will fall in love with me... I don't think that's too much to ask...