paradox (pa-ra-doks) noun one that possesses seemingly contradictory qualities or phases
This is me. This is who I am. This is how I define my life.
To most people I seem as plain as day, a quiet, polite young man that takes things in stride and always wears a smile. To those that become familiar with me, I just don't make any sense. It seems that as people get closer to me, the less they really know me and who I really am. No one really knows me. I like it that way. My closest friends and family have some idea of who I am. But my nature is to reveal little to nothing about myself. I tend to be a closed door, with a slight view available through the keyhole. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but some people would like to get to know me better. But I’m selective and let few get near to me. Honestly, because I don’t really know or understand myself. An enigma. A paradox. I look at myself and I see a mystery of contradictions. If nothing else, it amuses me to think about it.
I am not antisocial. I’m not a hermit. I go out into the world and have adventures. I like to spend an evening with hordes of sweaty, dancing clubbers or traveling with friends just as much as I like curling up alone with a good book or to watch a corny TV movie. Simply, I just have fun most of the time, whatever I end up doing.
I like being the silent guy, not often noticed, out of the spotlight. I am comfortable with that. Why? I am a voyeur of life. I live to watch people live. I live to experience others, from the slightest glance at a stranger to wild adventures with friends. Every experience is important to me.
More than anything else, I love eyes. "The eyes are the windows to the soul." The raw emotion obvious in the eyes is the most brutal and blunt way to see a person. But it can be the most beautiful. The eyes show life – good, bad, happy, sad, vibrant, indifferent… they speak volumes and given the chance, I look for the life that shines there. To me, the eyes are the most spectacular way to experience the life in a person. Every experience is important to me.
I like being the silent guy, not often noticed, out of the spotlight. I take interest is those that stop and take the time to notice me. I usually don't have time for the people that run in the front, stand in the spotlight, lead the race... because I am too busy watching them, experiencing them, soaking up the energy they give off. It's like standing in that solitary, bright, warm sunbeam that somehow breaks through the clouds on a grey, dismal day - absolute bliss for a moment, and then it's gone. I cherish my experiences with these frontrunners in life, but my passion and care is for others like me that slow down and walk at the back of the proverbial race.
I take interest is those that stop and take the time to notice me. I have attachment issues. I've known it since I was a child. I get attached to anything from clothes to pens to books. So with most people, I get attached and never let go. This is the basic reason I don’t let people get very close. I like to look from afar. But these people, those that take notice of me, they come into my life and I attach myself to them. They are the source of my passion for life.
Slow down you move to fast
You've got to make the morning last.
Just, kickin’ down the cobble stones
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy.
- Simon & Garfunkel
So much to say, so many thoughts... This may take days just to get this all started.
